


Am I Pretty?

by lrhskinnyjeans



Series: The Ice Gays™ [5]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Boston! Luke, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Figure Skater Michael, Fluff, Hockey Player Luke, Insecure Michael, M/M, Mention of Eating Disorders, Mentions of past homophobia, be careful with this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 06:23:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8833789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lrhskinnyjeans/pseuds/lrhskinnyjeans
Summary: "Do you..." Luke began, his voice hesitant, "Do you still feel that way?" Michael hiccuped again, slowly lifting his head to look at Luke. His face was blotchy and tearstained and his lashes were wet with tears. Luke found the sight beyond fucking heartbreaking, and he vowed to himself that he would do everything in his power to never see his boy like this again. "Sometimes," Michael sniffled, reaching up to rub his eyes. or alternatively, Michael isn't feeling very okay and Luke helps make it better.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm sorry that it's taken forever to update this series, i've had this work in a word document for a while now and i was unsure if i wanted to post it or not. I've been having terrible writers block for the longest time now and i'm sosososo sorry if this isn't what you guys were expecting. Please be careful with this one guys, it touches on body insecurity issues and has brief mentions of eating disorders, nothing too harsh, but it is there so i just wanted to forewarn you guys. I really hope you enjoy it, and again, i'm sorry about the wait!
> 
> Title taken from Am I Pretty by The Maine

The pale purple walls of Michael's room were illuminated by soft pink fairy lights that were strung neatly across the walls and ceilings. A vanilla scented candle was flickering softly from where it sat on the cluttered side table that Gracie was lying under, curled up in a ball and purring softly. There was quiet music of some sort playing in the background, Luke could vaguely make it out as a band that Michael always talked about, Oh Wonder, he thinks that they're called. 

Luke was watching in awe as Michael  
traced small shapes on his toned abdomen from where he was straddling Luke's hips. At this point, Luke wasn't even focusing on trying to figure out the scene that Michael was drawing on his skin with the pads of his soft fingertips, no, he was focusing on the breathtaking boy in front of him. He was absolutely taken aback a how alluring Michael looked, his lips parted slightly in concentration, the soft pink lights casting a dim glow across his soft pale skin. 

"You're cheating," Michael spoke softly, breaking Luke from his trance. "Your eyes are open, they're supposed to be closed."

Michael stopped the slow movements of his fingertips against Luke's skin and looked down at him with a small smile. Luke smiled back and grabbed Michael's hands in his, bringing them to his lips, pressing a feather soft kiss to each one of the smaller boy's knuckles, brushing his thumbs over the skin that his lips had previously touched. Once Luke kissed each one of Michael's delicate knuckles, he set the boy's hands back down on his bare abdomen, shivering a little bit at the contact of the cool skin. 

"Finish drawing Mikey, I won't get distracted this time," Luke promised, shutting his eyes again so Michael could begin to finish the scene that he was previously drawing against Luke's skin. 

Luke could vaguely identify Michael drawing out a few connective circles against his skin, slowly and with the utmost care and precision. He was beginning to get the idea that Michael was drawing Mickey Mouse on him, or maybe even a penis with oddly large balls, when suddenly the soft drag of Michael's fingertips against his stomach came to a halt. Luke's eyebrows pulled together slowly as he wondered why the younger boy stopped, but he kept his eyes closed, adamant on not accidentally cheating again. Thirty whole seconds were counted out before Luke slowly opened his eyes to see what caused the game to stop so abruptly. 

Michael was sitting back on Luke's thighs with a faraway look on his face, and his hands were resting against Luke's hip, fingers tightly wrung together— a dead give away that he was feeling a bit anxious. The way Michael's full bottom lip was wedged between his teeth told Luke that the younger boy must be deep in thought. 

"Hey," Luke spoke gently, placing a hand on Michael's forearm with a worried look on his face, "what are you thinking about Mikes?"

A soft intake of breath could be heard as Michael slowly lifted his eyes, and he was a little hesitant to make eye contact. Luke gently ran his thumb up and down the soft sweater that was covering the green eyed boy's forearm, hoping to offer some comfort. Michael flinched back at the contact, jerking Luke's hand from his arm as he retracted from his touch. The blonde boy watched in shock as Michael's eyes darted around the room until they settled for just staring down at his arms that were now wrapped tightly around his middle. 

"Michael," Luke spoke with s gentle but firm voice, "Michael what's wrong? I need you to talk to me, we don't keep secrets, remember?" 

"I'm sorry, it's just—" Michael looked up for a brief second before focusing back on his arms, head cast downward slightly and his freshly dyed silver hair flopped against his forehead as he shook his head. 

The silence in the room was a little bit overbearing, and Luke watched on with a frown as his boyfriend stared down anxiously at his arms. The music had cut off just about when Michael went silent, and he couldn't tell how long it had been, seconds, minutes, but he knew that it felt like an eternity already, and he just wanted to know what was wrong with his boyfriend, he wanted to make it better. 

"Do you think i'm pretty?" Michael spoke barely in a whisper, his soft voice breaking the silence. 

"What?" Luke's eyebrows knitted together and he moved one of his hands to rest on Michael's bare thigh. "Where is this coming from Mikey?"

Luke could visibly see Michael swallow as he looked up at him, toying with the hem of his oversized sweater. 

"It's just, when I was younger i didn't think I was, you know?" He spoke softly, trying his best to keep eye contact with Luke. "People didn't really like me in school, I was too chubby, and i didn't have the nicest clothes because my mom was," Michael looked down and shook his head to himself, "Mom couldn't work,"  
Michael spoke with a with a sullen tone, closing his eyes tightly. 

"Hey," Luke rubbed the soft skin on Michael's thigh, "Its okay angel, I've got you,"

Michael nodded, taking a deep breath then opened his eyes slowly. "When i was fifteen, i used to work in this little flower shop down the street from our apartment to help my mom pay rent. And there was this one day where I took a rose from the shop and i brought it to school the next day, and I gave it to this boy named Oliver who i had a crush on. He took the rose from me, and he crushed it in his hand and just dropped it on the ground, and then he said to me "why would I want that from someone like you, get away from me you ugly faggot," then he slapped me in the face," Michael finished, his voice wavering and hands trembling from where they were resting on Luke's hip. 

Luke's heart broke at this, his chest ached for the boy sitting above him. How could anyone be so mean and cruel to someone as lovely and as sweet as Michael? Both of Luke's hands reached out and encased Michael's, trying his best to stop them from shaking. Luke rubbed his thumbs gently over his cold skin, desperately trying to offer the boy any comfort he could give. 

"Calum brought me to his house and took care of me, but after that day i started trying my hardest just to be pretty," Michael said, looking down at both of their intertwined hands. "I remember I stated putting more thought into how I looked. I even used to steal my mom's makeup and hair stuff, i just wanted to be pretty, wanted to be good enough for everyone, you know?" A soft sigh left Michael's lips and he continued, his voice weak and small, "And then one day I thought that maybe people would like me better if i was skinny,"

"Mikey, no..." Luke's eyes widened and he squeezed Michael's hands tightly, absolutely heartbroken and terrified by the confession that just came out of the younger boy's lips. 

"I just, i wanted so badly to be pretty, so i stopped eating, and it was good, everything was okay, and i was finally skinny, and i felt so pretty Lu, so, so pretty," Michael said, his voice cracking, tears beginning to pool in his sad green eyes. "But then Calum found out one day, and he made me get better and he forced me to eat," Michael sniffled and let out a breath, "I just hated myself so much, i hated my body and the way my stomach was too soft, and the way my hips were too wide and how my waist wasn't small enough," Michael spoke, his breath catching in his throat as warm tears trailed down his cheeks, dripping down onto Luke's stomach. 

"Oh my god," Luke mumbled, sitting up and pulling Michael's trembling frame into his chest, wrapping him up tightly in his arms, and resting his head atop Michael's mess of silver hair. 

"I just wanted to be pretty," Michael spoke with a cracking voice, "I just wanted to be l-loved," A small sob escaped Michael's lips and he let his body go limp against Luke's chest, his head falling down into the crook of his neck. 

Luke's heart was pounding against his ribcage as he held his shaking and sobbing boyfriend close to him. He felt sick to his stomach at what Michael had told him, his insides churning more and more as he thought of his beautiful boy hurting himself like that. Luke couldn't even fathom the amount of self hatred that it would take to do that to yourself, to just willingly kill yourself slowly, and think nothing of it as long as you were pleased with the outcome. From the start Luke knew Michael has had some issues with his body image, but he never imagined that it would be like this, he never imagined that his boyfriend suffered through a mental disorder, he never imagined that Michael was so unhappy with the way he looked that he would go the extremities of starving himself just so he would fit in to what society deemed as "pretty". Luke wished so fucking bad that he could take it all away, he wished that he could go back and protect Michael from what happened to him, that he could just go back in time and meet Michael six years earlier and show him how lovely and beautiful he is. 

Michael's body trembled against Luke's, his chest heaving with the watery sobs that escaped him every so often. One of Luke's hands was carding through his hair while the other rubbed the juncture in between Michael's shoulder blades gently, trying to coax the other boy to stop crying, whispering sweet nothings into his ear with the softest and most tentative voice that he could conjure. Small hiccups were spilling out a Michael's mouth as the sobbing began to come to a halt, and he was clinging to Luke as if his life depended on it. 

"Do you..." Luke began, his voice hesitant, "Do you still feel that way?" 

Michael hiccuped again, slowly lifting his head to look at Luke. His face was blotchy and tearstained and his lashes were thick and wet with tears. Luke found the sight beyond fucking heartbreaking, and he vowed to himself that he would do everything in his power to never see his boy like this again. 

"Sometimes," Michael sniffled, reaching up to rub his eyes. 

The frown on Luke's face deepened and he reached up, cupping Michael's cheeks gently, rubbing his wet under eyes gently. "You're so pretty Mikey, so perfect and beautiful. I love you so much angel, you are so loved," Luke spoke quietly but firmly, his eyes searching Michael's. 

Michael blinked again and a couple more tears fell. An unhappy noise made its way out of the back of Michaels throat as Luke wiped his tears away and leaned in to press their lips together. The kiss was tender and full of love, and Michael's lips tasted of salt, undoubtedly from the tears that had been spilling down his face. Luke pulled back and pressed their foreheads together, Michael's warm breath fanning over his face as he opened his eyes slowly, taking in his beautiful and precious boyfriend. 

"You're so pretty Michael," Luke whispered, pressing a light kiss to Michael's soft lips. "So pretty, my pretty boy," He whispered, his lips trailing to the corners of Michael's mouth, and over his cheeks and down his jaw, murmuring gentle compliments into his skin. 

Luke's hands started to make their way down to the hem of Michael's shirt, gently toying with it as he kissed over the pale skin of Michael's jaw and neck. Michael hands quickly went down and grabbed onto Luke's wrists, lifting his head and looking at him with urgency and hesitance all at once. 

"Is it okay if I take this off angel, I wanna see you, wanna show you how breathtaking you are," Luke said sincerely, his eyes locked with Michael's. 

Luke could see the uneasiness and insecurity written all over Michael's face as he slowly nodded, his eyes glassy and threatening to well with tears once again. His hands were trembling with such force but he closed his eyes tightly and lifted his arms over his head, letting Luke pull his large sweater off. Luke carefully placed him onto his back and hovered over Michael's hips. Every inch of Michael's milky white skin was like a thousand treasures to Luke. He admired the slightly trembling boy in front of him, reveling in the way his small shoulders tapered off into his torso, his slim waist gradually gliding down into his soft hips. He had a small tummy, soft and lovely with the faintest blonde happy trail making it's way down to where it disappeared into the black panties he was wearing. 

Luke's fingertips trailed across every inch of Michael's exposed skin, his lips following after them, not far behind. Each press of Luke's lips against Michael's skin was accompanied by a gentle compliment, a reminder that Michael was beautiful and loved and god— pretty, so fucking pretty that he took Luke's breath away on a daily basis. Michael's breaths were deep and concentrated and his hands didn't cease their trembling, against his soft grey bedsheets. 

Michael tentatively reached down and grabbed onto Luke's hands, hoping that they would have some sort of anchoring effect. Luke's hands wrapped around Michael's shaking ones and he slowly lifted his head to press his lips across his knuckles, his blue eyes glued to Michael's wide green doe eyes. The incessant shaking of Michael's hands began to slowly stop as his dark and wet lashes fanned across his cheeks as he blinked down at Luke. Making sure to keep eye contact, Luke slowly make his way up Michael's body so that they were face to face, breaths fanning across each others faces. 

"You are absolutely beautiful Mikey," Luke said, his fingertips gently holding Michael's jaw with the lightest of touches. "You're so perfect and wonderful, and i don't care that your ribs aren't poking out, or that your wasn't isn't 20 inches around. I love every inch of you just the way it is, and i would love every inch of you if you gained 300 pounds, and i would still love every inch of you if you were wasting away. I just want you to be happy and healthy, and i want you to see how fucking beautiful and pretty you are," Luke whispered, his eyes searching Michael's face. 

Michael's lashes fanned across his pillowy cheeks one again, and a single tear escaped his eye, carving a path down his cheek. Luke quickly wiped away the tear and gave him a sad smile. 

"And if i have to remind you each and every day for the rest of our lives, I will," Luke said and a small smile made its way onto his face. "I'll still kiss your wrinkly face and i'll even compliment your old saggy balls if i have to, Mikes, anything to make you understand that you're so fucking breathtaking,"

A smile crept onto Michael's lips and a soft giggle came out, his head tilting to the side. "Even if i lose all of my hair and start smelling like old mothballs?" He asked timidly, pulling his bottom lips between his teeth. 

Luke tossed his head back and let out a hearty laugh. "Especially if you lose all of your hair and smell like mothballs. You know how the smell of nursing homes gives me hard on Mikes, i'd love you even more if you smelled like mothballs," Luke teased, leaning down to kiss all over Michael's face in an obnoxious manner, his beard tickling the smaller boy's skin. 

Soft giggles left Michael's lips and he squealed softly trying to squirm away from Luke's touch, pushing gently at his chest with his hands. Luke did eventually pull away with a soft laugh and a fond smile, shaking his head softly at the boy below him. 

"I love you so much, my pretty boy," Luke whispered while kissing the tip of Michael's nose. 

"I love you Lu, more than anything in the world," Michael mumbles, pressing hips lips to Luke's for a soft kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry that the end was really shitty (along with this entire part) i had no idea how to end it. Anyway, i hope you guys liked this. Feedback would be wonderful as always. Thank you SO much for reading xx. 
> 
> My tumblr is lrhbabyblues if any of you want to come follow me!


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